


everywhere i've been (and everywhere i'm going)

by areyouevenrealbro



Series: loyalty [3]
Category: Men's Hockey RPF
Genre: Angst, Emotional Constipation, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-17
Updated: 2019-10-17
Packaged: 2020-12-31 04:21:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,063
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21071720
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/areyouevenrealbro/pseuds/areyouevenrealbro
Summary: it’s not that mitch thinks that auston doesn’t care, but realistically, mitch is doubtful that auston cares as much as she does.(or, auston's not like mitch.)





	everywhere i've been (and everywhere i'm going)

It’s not that Mitch thinks that Auston doesn’t care, but realistically, Mitch is doubtful that Auston cares as much as she does. 

Auston was just fine before Mitch, and she would probably be just fine after her, too. It’s always been Mitch needing Auston more than Auston needs her, which is - fine. It’s fine. It’s the way things are, and even if Mitch wishes things were different, there’s nothing that she can do to change how she feels.

She’s had time to think about it. Lazy days in motel rooms, long rides on the back of Auston’s bike, her cheek pressed against the leather of her vest. She knows that, for Auston, this is probably just something new and exciting to pass the time, right up until the shine wears off and Mitch goes from being precious cargo to dead weight.

She’s seen the way some of the guys are with their girls, the way Pat is with Christina even though they’re apart for most of the year; hell, she’s seen the way Freddie is with that stupid bartender in Ottawa, and Freddie’s the least emotional person she knows. 

Mitch may not be much for Auston, but for Mitch, Aus is _everything_.

Mitch’s life was turned upside down for her in the best and worst ways, and there isn’t a thing that she would change about it. Because as pathetic as it is, if Mitch were to wake up in an empty motel room this morning, left behind by Auston and the people she called her family, she would be devastated. She doesn’t even know where she would begin to pull herself back together and move forward.

One thing is for sure - she wouldn’t regret a minute of the time she spent with her.

***

Does Auston know how Mitch feels? Absolutely.

Mitch wears her emotions on her sleeve. She feels what she feels and she’s not afraid of it, not concerned about what people think of her or whether it makes her weak. She lives her life saturated in emotion and doesn’t care what anyone thinks about it, and it’s just one of the reasons why Auston loves her so much she thinks she could die.

Late at night, when Mitch has fallen asleep on the pillow next to her, Aus lies awake and wills herself to find the words to tell Mitch that she has nothing to worry about, that there isn’t anything she wouldn’t do to keep her safe. Tonight is no different.

But Auston’s not like Mitch. She keeps all her emotions bottled up tight to her chest, in a spot right next to her heart, and lets the feelings simmer. The only time the tightness in her chest that it causes is alleviated is when Mitch is below her, an angel in a tangle of dirty sheets and sweat, the lines of her neck exposed for Auston’s mouth to trail over. 

She wishes that she were able to express things like Mitch. She hates that she could ever think that she’s not the most important part of Auston’s life, or that she’s disposable in any way. In reality, Aus would set the world ablaze if it meant seeing Mitch smile; if it meant hearing her laugh. There isn’t anything she wouldn’t do for her, because Mitch is it. Mitch is everything; the beginning, the end, and everything in between. She’s the air Aus breathes, the shelter she seeks, the religion she worships. And one day, Auston is going to tell her that.

For now, though, she rolls over and throws an arm over Mitch’s waist, curling into her from behind. Instinctually, Mitch burrows back, her hand tugging Auston’s tighter around her, a content sigh falling from her lips. Auston presses her lips to the back of her neck and closes her eyes.

***

Mitch drops herself into the stiff armchair in the corner of their cheap motel room, curling her knees into her chest and watching as Auston kicks the door shut behind her and lights a cigarette.  
“Open the window.” She barely casts Mitch a glance.  
Mitch rolls her eyes, but obediently pushes the window next to her up. The air is thinner now, changing from late summer to fall, and the cool of it makes goosebumps rise when it passes over her skin. They’re between locations currently, just stopped for the night, and Mitch can’t find it in herself to care enough to ask where they’re heading. She curls back up and keeps watching.  
They don’t have the space for bags on the bikes, so they only have a few changes of clothes with them. She lets her eyes trace over the curve of Aus’ shoulders when she reaches for the bottom of her shirt, the flex of her back when she strips it over her head and drops it to the floor.  
Auston throws a look over her shoulder, like she can sense Mitch staring. She snorts, turning back to trying to put her new shirt on without putting down her cigarette. “What are you looking at?”  
Mitch smiles into her knees. She shrugs when Auston turns back around.  
“You,” she says.  
The muscles in Auston’s face do something complicated. “C’mere,” she says eventually.  
Mitch uncurls and pads over to where Auston has taken a seat at the end of the bed. She swings one knee up, then the other, when Auston pats her thigh in invitation. Mitch smiles when she feels Auston’s palms settle on her ass.  
“Handsy,” she quips. Aust raises her brow and delivers a hard swat to her left asscheek. “_Ow!_” Auston throws her head back and laughs, and it knocks all the breath out of Mitch’s lungs. She’s struck by the sudden wave emotions that flow over her. “Aus,” she starts, needing to say something. She doesn’t know what or how, but she just - she needs Auston to know how she feels. “Auston I - you know I-”  
Auston smiles, brushing baby hairs away from Mitch’s face. “I know, baby. I know.”  
And that - that’s just another reason why Mitch loves her _so much_. Aus and her, they speak the same language. Even when words fail her, Aus can still read Mitch like a book; she knows her like the back of her hand.  
Mitch ducks in, presses a searing kiss to her lips, and hopes to God that Auston feels the same.

**Author's Note:**

> is that bartender in ottawa a reference to a certain Someone for fred? mayhaps.
> 
> find me on tumblr @ohmymarnthews for special rpf deleted scenes, sneak peeks, and drabbles!
> 
> please kudos and comment (!!!!!!) if you enjoyed, you have no idea how much it helps!!!


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